Most books by Christian therapists offer healing wisdom based on Scriptural precepts, but author Tabitha Westbrook adds another layer of authenticity to her work: she is a survivor herself of sexual abuse and domestic violence.
In Body &Soul, Healed and Whole, Westbrook writes as a healing individual, inviting her readers who have been abused to process without shame the trauma they have endured and how it can affect their whole lives, not just their sex lives. In Westbrook’s case, she was abused as a child and then by a violent spouse who used the Bible to justify his dark actions.
Westbrook tells readers about her journey to heal, body and soul, from the poisonous effects of her trauma. She shares stories from her therapy practice, of women who had experienced terrible abuse in their childhoods but also in their marriages. In the latter cases, sometimes these women’s churches perpetuated harm by excusing their abusers and blaming them.
Sometimes, survivors of abuse act out their trauma in unhealthy ways that are misaligned with their values. It’s called “traumatic reenactment.” “Understanding that the very real trauma that made you choose some unhelpful things because they were the only way you could survive—is giving yourself grace,” she writes.
Judging and shaming these acts only deepens someone’s trauma. Saying, “‘You’re sinning. You need to stop it,’” she writes, “isn’t super helpful. Even if both those things are true, a better approach is ‘Tell me how you got here.’”
Westbrook is compassionate and non-judgmental, using a gentle and grace-filled approach to guide the reader on a healing path.
One aspect of the book I appreciated most was her assertion that healthy male/female friendships in the church should be cultivated, not judged or feared. “Many teach that women and men cannot be friends, even though I think the Bible is clear that healthy male and female friendships are possible,” she writes. “The apostle Paul tells us how we should treat each other: ‘Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.’ Romans 12:10.”
She calls out the kind of purity culture thinking that perpetuates the notion that women are dangerously sexual because of their gender. She presents a vision for male/female friendships that can help the body of Christ flourish. After all, she points out, Jesus counted women as friends.
Westbrook helps readers soak in their identities as beloved daughters of Christ, and guides them in fighting back against the negative, accursed, and poisonous accusations hurled at abuse survivors by their abusers and by Satan. “I am accepted, secure, and significant,” Westbrook writes. “Our abusers attacked us in all three of those areas, and the crafty ones twist Scriptures to pour poison into our identities.”
One strategy for fighting these attacks is to intentionally tell oneself, “I do not receive (that accusation of worthlessness or whatever). That did not come from me or God.”
This book is a trove of insight and care for those who have experienced any kind of sexual abuse. Westbrook’s explanation of arousal templates is fascinating and helpful, and her openhearted, wise, and loving words will help readers process their trauma and gain more clarity and comfort on their healing journey.
She assures readers that “whatever is woven can be unwoven.” “Sexuality does not have to be forever broken,” she writes. “Rest assured in a God who understands and loves you in the deepest of deep ways—and begin your journey toward wholeness, restoration, and healing.”
(Tyndale)