During the past five years the CRC has invested tremendous energy in drawing clear boundary lines concerning human sexuality. We might call this “phase one” of working through the 175-page 2021 Human Sexuality Report. The report calls for much more than clarifying boundaries. Now it’s time for phase two: developing the report’s pastoral recommendations.
A couple of years ago an elder from a neighboring congregation called, inviting me to preach. “I need to tell you,” he noted, “our council told me to ensure that all our preachers support the entire HSR.” I paused. I was aware of members in his church personally affected by the report.
I asked, “In what ways has your council carried out some of the pastoral recommendations in the report?” It was his turn to pause, and finally he admitted, “We’ve done nothing.” “So,” I replied, “is it fair to say that your council does not support the entire report?” Another pause. “Yes, that would be fair,” he replied. And he scheduled me in.
After I preached, another elder whose family was quietly dealing with LGBTQ+ issues pulled me aside so we could not be overheard and thanked me for encouraging congregations in our region to work out the pastoral implications of the HSR. I was glad to be thanked, but I had to wonder, “Why did he ensure that no one heard him?”
I have served as a resource for a small number of churches in pioneering phase two. Two classes (Toronto and Alberta North) have gathered cohorts to explore pastoral practices. Pastor Ron DeVries in Edmonton was grateful for small steps in his classis but noted how challenging this is. Rev. Gary Brouwers in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, writes, “Reactions and responses have been rooted in fear of people we label as sinners. Our fear has built walls that have made us ineffective in showing the love of Jesus as he commands. Now that we have once again established our position regarding same sex relationships, we don’t need to be afraid any longer. We can extend hospitality, because there is no fear in love.”
Gary’s observation reminds us that phase two is more difficult than phase one. Even so, we have begun to take steps, and we’re ready for every congregation and classis to build on these. As the HSR notes, “Despite repeated and strong exhortations of past study committee reports to love and care for brothers and sisters who are attracted to the same sex as equal members of the body of Christ, the church has all-too-often ostracized, shunned, or ignored such Jesus-followers” (p. 114).
Practical Suggestions
The good news is that there is such a variety of ways to enter into phase two that every congregation and classis can discern what is best for them. Here’s a brief sampler.
- Remember that clarifying positions is a first step. Positions are a foundation on which we love God above all and our neighbor as ourselves. The harder work is pastoral.
- Repent of fear and judgment. The Reformed tradition places a high value on self-examination and confession of sin. The HSR admits our weak pastoral care. As one council chair in Iowa noted, “I was shocked to realize how much the slurs we threw around the Christian High locker room were still shaping me today.” He calls us to pray with David, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Ps. 139:23-24).
- Utilize conversation spaces. At one church the pastor introduced an HSR evening by saying, “It makes me nervous to have this conversation, but it makes me more nervous not to have it.” What a beautiful intro! We Reformed folk have sturdy conversation spaces: congregational prayer, weekly prayer of confession, elder visits, and congregational meetings. We need to use them.
- Remember how far the ripples expand. Human sexuality issues also affect parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, extended family, and more. I have seen parents break off contact with their children while grandparents deepen their contact with them (and vice versa). I have seen parents and grandparents hide behind a wall of shame. Small steps of love, empathy, and compassion begin to break down such walls.
- Use good resources. There are many! CRC’s Thrive funds congregational learning cohorts. Excellent video series and books for group use abound. Find the communities that are proactively being pastoral and learn from them.
- Cultivate a teachable, humble heart that can handle messiness. “Positions” are neat and tidy. Life is not. The gospels portray our Lord as surrounded by people who are hurting, who don’t belong. My deepest teacher has been a gay young adult (rejected by her parents) who had carefully read and agreed with the HSR, had committed to lifelong celibacy, and, after following the livestreams of synodical discussions, concluded there wasn’t room for her in the CRC. She tearfully told me, “As I listened, I realized that the vibe at synod was one that seemed eager to tell me how I am supposed to live, but did not know me as a human being, and did not want to get to know me or attempt to love me. They know nothing of the suffering I experience and they don’t want to know.” Her heartbreaking story reminds us that pastoral care is messy and requires taking risks that often leave us uncomfortable.
- Remember the biblical understanding of unity. There are many approaches to human sexuality in the CRC. Recognizing the complexity of approaches reminds us that the Bible describes unity as having the mind of Christ, which prioritizes embodying the fruit of the Spirit. In challenging situations, we remember that “as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17).
- Be ready for anything. An elder contacted me to say, “Ten years ago a gay young adult in our church took his life, and we never dealt with it properly. Are you aware of any liturgical resources that would help us deal with this now? Isn’t late better than never?” What a brave and difficult request! The journey of exploring pastoral care will generate hundreds of unusual requests that will refine the resilient wisdom of our discipleship. Our good Lord is not afraid to entrust us with complex calls to obedience.
- Remember the heart of God. Our good Lord invites us to place these challenging callings inside his easy yoke: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” That’s the “phase two yoke.”
This list of suggestions could easily be twice as long, but you get the idea. My prayer, as we continue to build momentum in phase two, is that the CRC will increasingly reflect Paul’s call: “Let your gentleness be evident to all; the Lord is near” (Phil. 4: 5).
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